Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel. You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don’t work out in real life, uh, Christianity. Bart, with $10,000 we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love! Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get. Inflammable means flammable? What a country.

Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1…2. Homer no function beer well without. I stand by my racial slur. Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one! But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman! They only come out in the night. Or in this case, the day. I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.

No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell about it. Homer no function beer well without. Ahoy hoy? We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy. Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix. Get ready, skanks! It’s time for the truth train!

Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird,” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does *that* do me? I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. You don’t win friends with salad. The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity…

I’ve been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope? Shut up and take my money! You know, I was God once. Bender, being God isn’t easy. If you do too much, people get dependent on you, and if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch. Like a safecracker, or a pickpocket. Pansy.

I never loved you. OK, if everyone’s finished being stupid. Oh Leela! You’re the only person I could turn to; you’re the only person who ever loved me. Ah, computer dating. It’s like pimping, but you rarely have to use the phrase “upside your head.” These old Doomsday Devices are dangerously unstable. I’ll rest easier not knowing where they are.

I haven’t felt much of anything since my guinea pig died. Fetal stemcells, aren’t those controversial? I wish! It’s a nickel. I had more, but you go ahead. I was all of history’s great robot actors – Acting Unit 0.8; Thespomat; David Duchovny!

It’s okay, Bender. I like cooking too. Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun? Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun? I just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. Fry, that doesn’t make sense. Hi, I’m a naughty nurse, and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute. You, a bobsleder!? That I’d like to see!

Okay, it’s 500 dollars, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can’t hold the charge and the reception isn’t very… Soon enough. We’re rescuing ya.

Stop it, stop it. It’s fine. I will ‘destroy’ you! But existing is basically all I do! I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside where it can fester quietly as a mental illness. I feel like I was mauled by Jesus. And why did ‘I’ have to take a cab? As an interesting side note, as a head without a body, I envy the dead.

But I know you in the future. I cleaned your poop. Yep, I remember. They came in last at the Olympics, then retired to promote alcoholic beverages! Yeah, lots of people did. Interesting. No, wait, the other thing: tedious. Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets? Ugh, it’s filthy! Why not create a National Endowment for Strip Clubs while we’re at it?

Kif might! Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything. Bender, being God isn’t easy. If you do too much, people get dependent on you, and if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch. Like a safecracker, or a pickpocket. Professor, make a woman out of me.

Super squeaky bum time! You hit me with a cricket bat. You’ve swallowed a planet! You know how I sometimes have really brilliant ideas? Annihilate? No. No violence. I won’t stand for it. Not now, not ever, do you understand me?! I’m the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm – and you basically meant beat them in a football match, didn’t you?

All I’ve got to do is pass as an ordinary human being. Simple. What could possibly go wrong? Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I’ve always known him: Jeff. All I’ve got to do is pass as an ordinary human being. Simple. What could possibly go wrong? They’re not aliens, they’re Earth…liens! All I’ve got to do is pass as an ordinary human being. Simple. What could possibly go wrong? Aw, you’re all Mr. Grumpy Face today.

I hate yogurt. It’s just stuff with bits in. It’s a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool. Did I mention we have comfy chairs? I am the Doctor, and you are the Daleks! The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things.…hey.…the good things don’t always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant. No… It’s a thing; it’s like a plan, but with more greatness.

Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there’s an escaped fish. You know when grown-ups tell you ‘everything’s going to be fine’ and you think they’re probably lying to make you feel better? All I’ve got to do is pass as an ordinary human being. Simple. What could possibly go wrong? Aw, you’re all Mr. Grumpy Face today. They’re not aliens, they’re Earth…liens! Saving the world with meals on wheels.

Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I’ve always known him: Jeff. Did I mention we have comfy chairs? Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I’ve always known him: Jeff. Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush.

I’m the Doctor. Well, they call me the Doctor. I don’t know why. I call me the Doctor too. I still don’t know why. You hate me; you want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! KILL ME! No… It’s a thing; it’s like a plan, but with more greatness.

Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time! I’m the Doctor. Well, they call me the Doctor. I don’t know why. I call me the Doctor too. I still don’t know why. I’m the Doctor, I’m worse than everyone’s aunt. *catches himself* And that is not how I’m introducing myself. Saving the world with meals on wheels. Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush. Annihilate? No. No violence. I won’t stand for it. Not now, not ever, do you understand me?! I’m the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm – and you basically meant beat them in a football match, didn’t you?

I think he’s got a crush on you, Dex! I’ve lived in darkness a long time. Over the years my eyes adjusted until the dark became my world and I could see. He taught me a code. To survive. I feel like a jigsaw puzzle missing a piece. And I’m not even sure what the picture should be.

I am not a killer. Under normal circumstances, I’d take that as a compliment. Finding a needle in a haystack isn’t hard when every straw is computerized. I’ve lived in darkness a long time. Over the years my eyes adjusted until the dark became my world and I could see. Oh I beg to differ, I think we have a lot to discuss. After all, you are a client. You’re a killer. I catch killers.

I’m going to tell you something that I’ve never told anyone before. Like a sloth. I can do that. Makes me a … scientist. I’m a sociopath; there’s not much he can do for me.

1. God created pudding, and then he rested.
2. Finding a needle in a haystack isn’t hard when every straw is computerized.
3. Tonight’s the night. And it’s going to happen again and again. It has to happen.

I’m doing mental jumping jacks. Makes me a … scientist. Keep your mind limber. Makes me a … scientist.

I’m partial to air conditioning. Under normal circumstances, I’d take that as a compliment. You look…perfect. Keep your mind limber. I feel like a jigsaw puzzle missing a piece. And I’m not even sure what the picture should be. I’m thinking two circus clowns dancing. You?